Fic and Art: Who run the world!, for lls_mutant
Author Na de Regen
Rating PG aside from some swearing
Word Count 4231
Summary Brittany promised to keep the school safe from Hurricanes, but she never mentioned conspiracies with the apocalypse.
Author's Note … this is a pretty big stretch from the prompt I used but uhm, I can only hope you enjoy it anyway.
Also, thanks to my wonderful betas needsmoregreen and moonlitsiren. ♥ for you both forever.
"So, you know about the end times as well?"
Brittany and Santana latched onto Mercedes' arms.
"We need your help with something."
And so, one by one, Brittany convinced all her fellow glee-clubbers to assist her.
"Hi. I'm Brittany S. Pierce, your senior-class president. New Directions will now start the apocalypse at McKinley High by taking over the school. Please stay calm and nobody will meet a gruesome end. I promise that we won't make you into slaves, because I too disagree with how Santa treats his elves. Good luck."
Will Schuester put down the copy of Jazz Hands he was reading.
He should probably go check if any of the other kids had gotten themselves into trouble.
Before could exit his office, Rachel entered.
"Oh, Rachel. I was just about to check on you guys. Why did Brittany raid the school's PA system?"
"Look, Mr. Schue, just, don't concern yourself with this, okay? We're taking matters into our own hands and it's best if you can simply stay out of it."
She flashed Will her (future) award-winning show-smile.
"Wait, the take-over was serious?"
"And if you feel that as our educator, you're responsible for our actions, we have something to hold over your head so nobody will blame you for not interfering. Not a single soul. None."
She cheerfully pointed to the two figures that just passing by. Puck waved and smiled his patented charming smile (why did all the kids seem to come with their own brand of smiles anyway?). Emma on the other hand, was thrown over Puck's shoulder and was mainly looking distressed, as her wrists were tied together.
"Don't get me wrong. We're very grateful that you've given us the New Directions, but in the end you'll never understand what it's like for us. So, as long as you stay put, no harm will come to Miss Pillsbury, and you won't have to take action! This arrangement suits us all, right?" Rachel continued.
"I-I can't let you do this, Rachel." Will countered weakly.
"Thanks for all your time Mr. Schuester, but it's up to us to change the world now, and it's not something you can help us with.
Please don't act rashly; we'll be keeping an eye on you. We bugged the room, you see?
Bye for now Mr. Schue!"
Rachel left the office, and followed Puck. She offered her apologies to Miss Pillsbury and promised to loosen the ties as long as she wouldn't struggle. Puck added that he wore the cleanest outfit he could find in his locker just for the occasion.
Will just stood in the doorway.
"Hello, this is Brittany S. Pierce, your senior-class president.
The latest news is in from Artie and Blaine: The slushie machines are out of order, the dodgeball-balls are deflated. As of now it is illegal to carry eggs with eggs in them on school grounds outside of the HomeEc room. Rachel is a vegan, and it's not fair to throw them at her."
"How can I help you Miss Motta?"
"Mr. Figgins, I know you don't really intend to ever do anything principal-y, but we kinda need to not get disturbed this time!
So I was thinking, maybe you could leave us be if my Daddy offered some compensations again this time? He totally supports my decision to take up swaying in the background.
After all, even from the background I still outshine all the others."
"Are you saying the glee-club is up to doing something illegal again?"
"Yea that's kind of what the announcements have been about right? But look, you should just keep ignoring that the way you did so far and we'll all be happy okay?"
A loud thump came from the glass outside Figgins' office, and Sugar turned around to look.
"D-Don't look her in the eye! Tina Cohen-Chang is a dangerous breed of vampire!"
"Oh. Right!" Sugar exclaimed, before covering her eyes when she heard Tina enter.
"Now listen. You leave the building, and you leave it now. Promise you won't look back. Promise you won't return today. You see, I will need to expand my family soon, and we wouldn't want you to fall victim of that, would you?"
"Oooh, are you in vampire-heat?"
Tina went silent for a second, her act slipping for a second.
"Sugar stop covering your eyes, I can't kill you with my looks. That's Medusa."
Tina turned back to Figgins again, after attempting to pry Sugar's fingers off her face.
"Are we clear?"
Figgins had already packed his suitcase and ran out of the door.
Sugar threw her arms around Tina, and hugged her tightly.
"Oh my God, that was really cool. You're totally worthy of being my friend!" Sugar squealed delighted, before giving in to her usual egomania.
"...So how about my acting, huh?"
"Hello, this is Brittany S. Pierce, your senior-class president.
The Violence has started, and I would like to invite a guest speaker to address this issue."
"Resistance is futile."
"Thank you Sam Evans.
So to everyone, please stay put while we destroy the school, I promise that any captive we take is allowed to watch Santana and I make out. Except Miss Pillsbury, because Santana still can't forgive her for not getting drilled by Dr. Carl. She's totally invited for our next Britney Spears fantasy though."
Kurt wrinkled his nose. Womanizer might be the way to go, but they'd definitely need to skip the nude scenes if they wanted to re-enact the whole video again.
Finn nudged him, as a bunch of jocks were heading for the locker room.
"Kurt, are we ready?"
"Are you sure we can do this? Shane sure stole your thunder as the star quarterback, and I honestly don't know if your being a jock has any meaning whatsoever anymore these days."
"No, it doesn't, that's not what this is about. We make a good team together. I was rooting for you to be the class president so... I'm gonna support you as if you were."
Kurt was unsure if Finn's proud smirk showed up because he was proud of Kurt, or proud of himself. Then the words sank in.
"Wait, so I'm the one in charge of taming the jocks?"
"Dear Finn Hudson... In what universe does that even make sense and sound like a good idea?"
Finn shrugged and continued his at attempt at spying on the hockey players.
"Dude, out of the two of us, who managed to make the entire football team dance to a Beyoncé song?"
"As much as I'd like to take credit for that, we both know it wouldn't have worked without you."
"Exactly! You were the one who came up with the idea, you're the one who taught us how to do it- and you were the one who made me take charge and actually made them go through with it. That's what I mean with being a good team."
Finn's ambiguous proud smirk grew even bigger. Kurt was fairly sure both corners of Finn's mouth had moved.
"You might want to watch your words, because I think you just gave me a free pass to boss you around for infinity.
But I had nothing to do with Thriller though."
"No, but, you know. Puck and Sam helped me out with that.
Kurt, the football team's reign over this school stopped the moment we did Thriller, it's really the Puckheads we have to watch for- Shane is gonna be on our side for Mercedes anyway, so ..."
"Look, you know how to use those cool pointy swords right, you can totally whoop their asses."
Finn quickly opened his locker and got his light-saber out of it.
Totally proud of himself.
"Look you losers, Brit might want me to introduce myself as her first lady, but to you bunch of nobodies I might as well be the devil herself.
I'm not gonna make out in front of any of you perverted jerks, and there's not going to be video footage of it up on the internet either. In related news, I would also like to announce that the probability of you guys ever seeing Jacob Ben Jewcloud back is pretty much zero, and that I need to get out to gets me some new razorblades right now."
"You better still keep an eye on his website, though. You can now check it out for the 10 reasons Puck is the most badass (and naked) of Jews-list that you know you want to see. You can also find angry posts about rights for women or something by Quinn, a link to lesbian porn, that Finn accidentally posted in one of his attempts to understand Santana, that's worth getting reacquainted with your right-hand for... And some videos reposted from Berry's myspace, as well as the latest episodes of Fondue For Two in case you missed them.
Artie said I should say he's also liveblogging the events of today on there, but I'm not sure why anyone would follow that when you can all check out the Puckosaurus, am I right?"
Mike and Quinn sat by the surveillance cameras in an awkward silence.
"Just so you know, I wouldn't worry about Mike-o-saurus being less than adequate- you shouldn't feel intimidated by these pictures that are obviously photoshopped."
Although Mike almost choked on his herbal tea, he considered it best to just pretend those words never passed Quinn Fabray's lips.
And pretending she hadn't looked at the pictures was probably best as well, before Puck might get any ideas. Thankfully, a distraction came up.
"She found Sam and Rory." Mike pointed to one of the monitors that showed the three of them.
They both nodded, and Quinn strode off to find them.
When she had made her way through the hallways, Becky had taken some of the boys' items.
"You can't blow shit up here, unless you're the Coach, it's in her contract." Becky argued.
Quinn tapped her foot impatiently.
"Okay, well, what if we ask her to do the honors then?"
"Stay out of it, Fabray, this has nothing do with you."
Becky gave her the finger, and ran off, presumably to report to Sue.
"We're really sorry Quinn." Rory said with a sad look on his face. "I didn't know there were still any cheerios left in here."
"Our biggest concern is if there are still enough supplies for you guys to continue."
Quinn shot a look at the pile of explosives left.
Sam shook his head. "We're definitely gonna need our stuff back, she took the detonator and without it... Well."
"Right. I'll see if I can talk to Coach Sylvester."
She looked into the camera and waved to Mike, signaling she'd go to Sue's office: it was really the only room in the building the two of them and Artie hadn't been able to bug. Or didn't try to bug, mostly. Sue knew all about spy techniques, they weren't quite willing to try if they could get away with their actions.
Quinn knocked on Sue's door, and was told to enter.
"Becky isn't here yet?" Quinn asked surprised.
"She left already. With a bit of luck she's out graverobbing. After hearing Santana's announcement, I figured it would be worth a try. Jacob might be the kind of person that gives everyone who realizes they breathe the same air as him suicidal tendencies, but he has useful information."
Quinn decided to just sit down.
"Hold it Q, theses chairs are for cheerios only. Since I make 2.5 students wet their pants in fear per week on average, I hardly think it's hygienic for you to sit there."
Well, about the items Becky stole from us..."
"I'm fully aware of what they're used for, Miss Fabray, and may I remind you that nobody is allowed to blow anything or anybody up unless it's me? It's in my contract."
"...Coach, what do you think about being the head of pyrotechnics?"
"Do I get to boss people around?"
"Sam and Rory are working on it at the moment, so clearly they'll help you out."
"Fake-porcelain with the stupid accent? Great, I won't have to pretend I'm listening to him since nobody can actually understand what he says anyway.
You have a deal Quinn Fabray, now get out of my office."
Quinn returned to their hide-out, where she found Mike Chang play the air-guitar with more passion than Puck put into his crotch-punctuating move. So she joined in.
"Hello, this is Brittany S. Pierce, your senior-class president.
Sorry for being unavailable for a bit, I had to record the latest episode of Fondue For Two. Coach Beiste and Finn Hudson dropped by to dip our lunches in chicken fat. Then I remembered Kurt's soft hands.
So they just ate lunch and now my hands are slippery.
Since we're on the topic of grease, I would recommend everyone to stay clear of the classrooms. That includes you mr Schue. So everyone just follow your instincts, okay?"
"We're finished, coach Sylvester."
Sam and Rory never had to deal with her like this before. She was there, she tormented their friends, but they hadn't exactly fallen victim to her yet.
Sam reconsidered his friendship with Quinn for a moment. Friends just don't send Sue Sylvester to other friends.
"Well that's amazing, goldilocks, do you want a gold star for your effort?"
"... You wanted us to report back when we were done."
"Yeah well, that was over an hour ago. An hour ago I also wanted lunch, but right now I'm nearly set to go to bed. Except I neither eat solids nor sleep, but that still doesn't change the fact that both of you are completely and utterly incapable of setting up bombs."
The two of them blinked.
"Now boys, I'd like to get this thing over with. Because some people thought it was a great idea to chase students out of the school, it's been a pretty slow day, and I feel downright constipated with insults."
Sam decided this was the moment to get into action, since he definitely did not want to be part of the insult explosion that would probably follow. He pulled Rory along, and they set up a safety screen. After that, he connected the detonator and soon, the three of them were squatting behind the screen.
"Should I call the pretty blonde girl to see if it's safe to blow up all these rooms?" Rory asked.
"Ah, that sounds like a -"
Sam shut up the moment he heard the telltale click of the detonator's activation.
All the classroom walls that faced the hallways were rapidly blown up, and soon a large room with a lot of rubble was left.
"....That was awesome."
The boys shared a high five, while Sue went to inspect the scene.
"Wait, how's this building even holding up now that half of the walls are gone?" Rory looked at the ceiling as if the sky was to fall down. A reasonable concern.
"I'm fairly sure Brittany mentioned something about magic holding them up."
"...But magic doesn't actually exist."
"Look, I dunno dude, I'm just here to blow up stuff. That was awesome."
They high fived again, and Sue came back
"Wow, dejá-vu? I know your lives must be empty, but do you really have to reuse your conversations after 5 minutes already?"
"How did the inspection go, Coach?"
Sam decided that after surviving Quinn, Santana and now Sue, he might earn a medal for being the master of getting back on topic sometime.
Boys, I have some news. I might have acted too quickly, and next time we definitely call your security-system first."
"Hello, this is Brittany S. Pierce, your senior-class president.
Puck said he'd hide the bodies, but I still want to apologize about the casualties. We sincerely regret they happened, and Kurt promised he'd put in some extra effort while bedazzling their coffins.
On another note, anyone can join us. But you won't, because we're still the glee-club and you hate us. That's ok.
As long as you hate us, you won't be welcome anywhere. We're not the only school who started the apocalypse. The world is changing forever."
"Do you really think there's still people out here?" Mercedes asked Santana as they made their rounds through the hallways.
"Oh please, do you not remember what fear smells like? Ever since Trouty Mouth and his Irish pet have blown this place to smithereens, it's been stinking all over the place."
"I'm pretty sure they just hit a bathroom."
"Oh, Mercedes, you always did lack imagination."
"I think you lack realism, Santana. Look, I'm not gonna chase your random instincts. So why don't we just ask Mike and Quinn where to go?"
Santana crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, but still waited for Mercedes to take out her phone and call them.
Just as Mercedes was about to start talking, Santana's eye caught a dash of red.
"There's one, come on Mercedes!"
The two of them instantly chased after the student.
"Oh hey, smelly Brett. Good to see your hippie-self here."
Santana walked right into Brett's personal space.
"Dude, am I trippin'? because I wanted to go to English class and it's so canceled the classroom even disappeared."
Mercedes waved off his comment.
"No, no, that all actually happened. Don't ask us how, but it did."
"Oh... Does that mean more classes are canceled?"
"School is canceled."
"Yeah, I'm bored. Mercedes, let's go find someone to beat up! I just gots myself a new stash of razorblades, and I needs to try them out."
"Santana, we could just ask them to leave."
"We could, but it's more fun to chase them out."
Santana smirked at Mercedes, and she beamed right back.
"Good cop, bad cop it is then."
"Blaine and Artie."
Brittany turned to face the two boys.
"You both did amazing on disarming the school! But.
I have one more request."
Will Schuester made a decision: he was still sitting in his office hours after Rachel left him behind, and that just would not do.
He loved the kids, but there was no telling what Puck or the others could do to her. Besides, he was their most appreciated teacher! There was no way they wouldn't listen to him: in the end, they always did.
So he'd tell them to stop screwing around, they had Regionals to prepare for after all. He was slightly worried by the fact that none of the kids had actually made it into the choir room today. Even when covered in slushies, the kids still always attended.
When he walked out the door, it became clear to him that his office and the choir room were probably the only rooms that were still in their original states. All the old posters and decorations were gone, and were replaced by new ones.
Rainbow colored fonts informed him of the end-times, and there were tvs up that displayed a commercial/music video that featured all his students.
Down the hall he saw Kurt and Tina discuss the decorations. He walked into the opposite direction.
Eventually he made it into what was the cafeteria before. All the furniture had been removed, until there were just three chairs, a table, and a tripod with a camera on it left. Coach Beiste gave him a small wave and patted on one of the chairs as a hint for him to sit down. Artie and Blaine were already sitting next to her.
"These Glee-kids are really amazing, you know that? Brittany just invited me to her online talk show, I'll be internet famous in no time now!"
"Coach... Those announcements... Were they all actually true? I mean, it's Brittany so I didn't think anything of it..."
"Oh they're true, buddy, but don't worry about those kids who died. Most of them were Puckheads who'd have gotten themselves in a coma like Rick the Stick sooner or later anyway."
Because obviously in every bad situation, Sue had to come in and make it even worse.
Blaine pulled an uncomfortable face.
"... What? Sue, you can't just let people die and not care. They're our students for Christ's sake. You remember what it's like to have someone close to you die!"
"Look, Will, I know that what they're trying to do is not something you understand." Coach Beiste interrupted them.
"And I don't intend to! Why would I want to kill anyone?"
Will continued his rant. Blaine nearly slid out his seat in his nervous attempt to pretend he wasn't present.
"But these kids... They speak to me, you know? They make the little girl inside of me feel like... I too can belong."
"But you're not a little girl anymore, Shannon."
"No, but I sure used to be. And if there's a place for her, then certainly there's a place for me now as well."
"That's nice and all, that there's suddenly a place for everyone, but glee-club already was that place. But now we just watch students kill off other, innocent, students without worry?"
I'm sure your buttchin is having the time of his life by producing all those dampy turds of nonsense all of the time, but really?
It's the apocalypse. People are going to die no matter what side you're on."
"This is ridiculous, Sue, you can't just start the apocalypse."
"Mr. Schuester, please calm down."
Artie spoke up, and Blaine let out a relieved sigh.
"Calm down? Do you have any idea what you have done? Both of you are smart, why didn't you stop Brittany?"
Artie frowned, and shook his head.
"Mr. Schue, I know this comes as a surprise for you, but we get to be angry now too."
"Even if your anger means people die?"
Blaine raised his eyebrows.
"Did you ever tell that to your homophobic students, Mr. Schuester?"
Blaine wanted to say something, but he was interrupted by Brittany entering the room with some of the band members in tow.
"It's not different anymore." Brittany countered.
"I like that you taught me the alphabet. But I didn't like that you didn't think I could be in the Brainiacs. That's mean, and stereotyping.
You can stay here, and you'll be part of us, but you'll have to treat us all as equals. If you can't do that, then we'll have to ask you to leave. And although we all like you Mr. Schuester,
It's not okay that you wanted to expel Santana when you didn't do a thing about Karofsky until it was too late.
It's not okay that you never even wondered where Tina's stutter went.
It's not okay that you listen to Finn, and only to Finn."
Suddenly Rachel's voice sounded through the PA-system, spreading through the remains of the building.
"I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive."
Her voice sounded uncharacteristically eerie.
Will closed his mouth, without voicing his defense.
Beiste mouthed the lines along.
One by one, the other members of the Glee Club came inside. One by one, Emma, Sue, Becky, Lauren, Shane came inside. They all swayed to the sound.
Brittany looked him in the eyes, and as always, her timid nature was replaced with confidence when she danced.
"I hear the criticism loud and clear,
That is how I know that the time is near.
See, we become alive in a time of fear,
And I ain't got no motherfucking time to spare."
The room was filled with dance and music. And it never would stop again.
Finn walked up to Will and said:
"We used to need a stage to perform, Mr. Schuester. For most of us, that really was the only place we ever truly felt accepted. Not anymore.
Brittany made the world into a stage.
She made the New Directions actually take New Directions."
He left, took both Brittany and Kurt's hands and twirled both of them around. All of the kids were smiling and dancing.
Celebrating the destruction of their school, the death of their peers, and the end of the world.
Will's best friend, his girlfriend and his worst enemy all celebrated with them.
He needed to do something, or he'd be the one held responsible for all of it.
He'd be the worst teacher.
He wanted to scream at Brittany, and make her stop these crazy thoughts she'd been putting in everyone's heads. He wanted the other teachers to snap out of it. And above all, he wished he could have finally found it within himself to actually interrupt a performance.
But no, music started and it didn't stop until it was done.
He felt fingers curl around his hand. Shelby.
Neither of us belong here. We had our chances to be free, but we wasted them."
She led Will out of the building.
Brittany watched her no-longer teachers leave. She turned around, and announced:
"The apocalypse is complete, everyone! Go us!"
Everyone cheered for her
and it was the first time she didn't need to take her clothes off for it to happen.
And because I couldn't help myself, some drawings: